Self-Worth

Unemployment/underemployment sucks. Especially when you come to the nasty realization that you base your personal self-worth on your job.
Of course, once you realize that, you examine all the other aspects of your life. If I don't have a job, and I died tomorrow, what legacy will I leave for the world? I have no particular talents except those defined by my job. I don't create anything. I haven't said anything in public particularly noteworthy. Where is one to go from here?

And then, I gave myself a stern talking to.
"So, Self. Do you really believe that, not only is the Universe conspiring against you, but that, even if the Universe wasn't paying attention at that particular moment when everything went to hell, do you really think you're incapable of creating Not Crap? Do you think maybe, just maybe, this self-loathing is just a symptom of lack of focus? Do you even HAVE a plan toward which you can be working?"

And my answer was, grudgingly, no. I don't know where I want to go from here. I'm drifting along, sail-less with no particular plan in mind. Because I always had a job, and I got my damn degree out of the way, I think in my reptilian brain I assumed I was done. I would just trudge along doing what I was doing and paying my bills.

Now, I have remarkable opportunities. I can do anything I want! I can take my little life in any direction I want to!

And I'm completely and utterly terrified and frozen to the spot. 

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