Singleitis? Singleoma? Singleopathy?
Ah, the life of a "single" Especially a single over 35. Whoosh. Given the reactions of everyone, one would think you were infected and possibly contagious.
For background, I raised my son on my own. I had one or two long-term (approx. 1 year) relationships during that time, but we didn't live together and no one paid part of my bills or carted me or my son around. In an emergency, and thankfully very few of those, I had wonderful friends who were there for us. I say this not for sympathy, but just for clarification. I meet lots of "single moms" that haven't spent a moment alone during the whole time they were raising their children. They just spent this time with men that they never wanted to marry. I just want to distance myself from THAT type of single mom or woman. Yep, totally judging :)
During my singleness I've often marveled at the reaction of my friends, family and even strangers. From sympathy to fear (since I'm single I MUST be lusting after their SO's and would do anything to bed their domestic Jabba the Hutt). I thought having a child would quell some of that, and mostly in my family it did, but not as much as you'd think. I was accused of being too picky, of being a lesbian, of a pathological fear of commitment, etc. And I let people believe that, because explaining it would take more time and effort than I cared to put forth. Deep inside I was lazy and didn't care enough that people understood ME. I got a degree so then it must be the fact that I was too smart and scared people off. I was never in a truly long term relationship, so I must be promiscuous. The theories abound, and I let them go. Sometimes I regret not speaking up, but honestly it became a bit of a scientific experiment after awhile. I wanted to see how things progressed or evolved without interference. Man, I wish I'd taken better notes :)
Now, a little over a year ago, at the age of 43, I found a person that I can see spending my life with. It's everything I wanted in another person, and it's someone I've known for many years. It's a little unconventional, to be sure, but I've never cared what people thought before, why start now? The reason I wish I'd taken better notes is because now, watching the people who gave me the most grief, the most theories, are also now finding themselves single. And I'm still watching. Watching how they interact, theorize and judge other friends in relationships, friends who are single and how they deal with life themselves. And it's mostly fascinating, occasionally disturbing but ultimately insightful. I want to point these things out, but I realize the human condition is a complex thing and, in the end, what do you think I would solve? Probably not much.
So I'll keep observing. It's really very engaging and, while it deepens my "alien observer" feelings sometimes, I still love it.
For background, I raised my son on my own. I had one or two long-term (approx. 1 year) relationships during that time, but we didn't live together and no one paid part of my bills or carted me or my son around. In an emergency, and thankfully very few of those, I had wonderful friends who were there for us. I say this not for sympathy, but just for clarification. I meet lots of "single moms" that haven't spent a moment alone during the whole time they were raising their children. They just spent this time with men that they never wanted to marry. I just want to distance myself from THAT type of single mom or woman. Yep, totally judging :)
During my singleness I've often marveled at the reaction of my friends, family and even strangers. From sympathy to fear (since I'm single I MUST be lusting after their SO's and would do anything to bed their domestic Jabba the Hutt). I thought having a child would quell some of that, and mostly in my family it did, but not as much as you'd think. I was accused of being too picky, of being a lesbian, of a pathological fear of commitment, etc. And I let people believe that, because explaining it would take more time and effort than I cared to put forth. Deep inside I was lazy and didn't care enough that people understood ME. I got a degree so then it must be the fact that I was too smart and scared people off. I was never in a truly long term relationship, so I must be promiscuous. The theories abound, and I let them go. Sometimes I regret not speaking up, but honestly it became a bit of a scientific experiment after awhile. I wanted to see how things progressed or evolved without interference. Man, I wish I'd taken better notes :)
Now, a little over a year ago, at the age of 43, I found a person that I can see spending my life with. It's everything I wanted in another person, and it's someone I've known for many years. It's a little unconventional, to be sure, but I've never cared what people thought before, why start now? The reason I wish I'd taken better notes is because now, watching the people who gave me the most grief, the most theories, are also now finding themselves single. And I'm still watching. Watching how they interact, theorize and judge other friends in relationships, friends who are single and how they deal with life themselves. And it's mostly fascinating, occasionally disturbing but ultimately insightful. I want to point these things out, but I realize the human condition is a complex thing and, in the end, what do you think I would solve? Probably not much.
So I'll keep observing. It's really very engaging and, while it deepens my "alien observer" feelings sometimes, I still love it.
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